Altered State of Mind

A year and a bit ago my psych told me that I would have to receive treatment for the rest of my life. This was the same session he told me there is no cure or way to rid yourself of Bipolar Type 1. It is a persisting, long-lasting, chronic illness both physically and mentally.

Bipolar Type 1 is characterized by the occurrence of manic at least one manic episode. Mania is defined by "a state of abnormally high energy, excitement, and a very elevated or irritable mood" lasting a week or more.

I think my longest manic episode lasted two years.

There is no standard behavior for a manic episode, the most generalized understanding is that it's a "god-like" state or an extremely untouchable high that puts the person experiencing it at risk. Eventually the mania subsides, plummeting you into a depressive episode that lasts just as long.

I felt my worst when I was manic. I also felt my best.

There is this very fine line you walk on when you're Bipolar. Not knowing who you are when you're dosed up antipsychotics or mood stabilizers versus not knowing who you are when you’re constantly shifting between two severe emotional states. I say I've lived a lot of lives, because each of my episodes resulted in behaviors that reflected a different state of being.

It is very easy to literally take a pill every morning, afternoon, or evening. What isn't is knowing how devastating not having that pill can be.